-How Lani Sarem, author of Handbook for Mortals, Fucked Up-

35800325How Lani Sarem fucked up… in list format. 

1. A media company named Geek Nation  wants to jump on the “Book Into Movie Train”, so they released this poorly written (i’m sorry, it really is that bad) book, ‘the handbook for mortals’. Then, they made small bulk purchases of the book in order to spike sales numbers, subsequently landing it as  numero uno on the NYT best selling list.

2.The reading community noticed almost IMMEDIATELY that an unknown author made it to the top over-night. “WOW”, we thought “that’s insanely amazing”! so, we all dived in.  I read the first few chapters, i couldn’t make it any further... if you don’t trust my judgment… please go read the sample. i dare you. it’s filled with cliches and repetitive statements. there are only so many ways an author can tell the reader just how damn beautiful the heroine is.

Example from the book: “I’m slender, but I do not believe most would say skinny. Not ‘hot-girl skinny,’ at least. I have long legs that are toned but I think my thighs are too large and I do not have a thigh gap. My arms are kind of flabby and while I do have an hourglass figure I have always felt my butt it a little too big and my face a little too round.”

“The chunky pieces of the lower half of my long hair, which I had dyed a multitude of fun colors. Today they were pink, purple, but and turquoise green, but I have a habit of changing the colors frequently. My perfectly cut bands stayed mostly unaffected by the wind except for a few squirrely pieces.”

SPOILER ALERT: The whole book is written like this…

3. Apparently, Geek Whatever Company already has the financing for this movie. Which is why they started their scam. Books to movies are gold, we all know that. But movies to fake crappy books are not gold, they’re shit. Geek Whatever wanted to be able to put “Movie inspired by the NYT best-selling book” on the preview. Lani’s defense?

“The Comic-Con community, the Hollywood community, has been following this project for a while. I think… some people, I should say, in the book world live a little bit more in their world, and that’s totally fine.”

Bish say what? she continues…

“OK, I get it, I didn’t play by the normal YA rules. I didn’t send out Galleys two years in advance, and I didn’t go talk to the people that thought I should come talk to them. I did it in a different way.”

You mean cheating, right? 

4. in conclusion…

I don’t give a damn if this book was made of glazed donuts, CHEATING IS CHEATING. Yes, I understand that sometimes money talks, but thanks to the book community, it won’t this time. Which reminds me! Lani blames us, the “tight-knit YA community”, for the downfall… And says we shouldn’t be so “tight-knit” or else we won’t grow as a community.

WE ARE GROWING. AND WE WILL REMAIN TIGHT-KNIT. This may have been a publicity stunt for all I know… But if Diary of the Whimpy Kid has taught us anything, it is you should OWN UP to your mistakes. Take note, Lani and Geek Media.

It saddens me that hard working writers will never get noticed… Which is why it is always important to support your Indie writers, new writers, old writers… basically any writer that can actually write.

NYT has removed the book, because like everyone else, they too had a WTF moment. 



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