I don’t typically write about me… because I am boring, but I need to cry. For the past two weeks my family and I have had our good friends from Scotland, Gavin and his daughter Neve, stay with us in hot-as-hell Texas.  I’ve met Gavin oodles of times in America, Canada, and even seen him run around my house in his undies while laughing like a hyena. Needless to say, he’s like family.

This was the first time to meet Neve, though. Our daughters are the exact same age and freakishly alike in every single way. And the ACCENT. OMFG the accent is SO DAMN CUTE. I love this little girl, y’all. If I could keep her, I would. Do you hear that? That’s my heart breaking.

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-Here are some Scottish words Neve taught us-

(OH, and she says ‘y’all’ now. You’re welcome, Gavin.)

We say Q-Tips… They say cotton buds.

We say Mosquitoes (Or spawns of hell sent directly from Satan himself)…. They say Midges. Pronounced: “mid-gee”

We say talking shit… They say boosting.

We say daycare… They say Nursery.

We say ‘hair bangs’… They say fringe! So every morning when I did her hair and asked how she wanted her bangs, she had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. We didn’t figure this out until the last few days… lol.

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-Interesting Facts from Gavin-

1) In Scotland you can pull down your pants and rub your naked butt on a pole in the middle of a bar. In America… you can’t do that, you get kicked out of the bar for butt-exposure. I’m sure you can imagine how we all found this out.

2) Nixon is to blame for obesity. Did you know high-fructose corn syrup is ILLEGAL in Scotland, it is THAT bad for you. But here, Nixon made it A-OKAY for it to be put in all of our foods so he could win the vote of American Farmers. Back in the 70’s, food was getting a little bit expensive, so Nixon’s solution was to give Farmers the go-ahead on using corn syrup as a cost-cutting substitute. I mean… Yay for cheap donuts. But shit. Jack in the Box tacos aren’t even a dollar anymore. YOU FAILED, Tricky Dick.

3) Apparently, Scotland doesn’t have as many things that can kill you as Texas does. Asps, cougars, wolves, panthers, coyotes, snakes, spiders… Honestly, everything in Texas is kind of dangerous, especially the heat! I never even thought about how many crazy little critters run around here just waiting to eat me. Oops.

And Gavin says ‘fit like?’, ‘we say “what’s up?’ I’ve learned so many neat new things! Especially about our food… being all fattening and dangerous.

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Basically, we had the best two weeks ever and I can’t wait to visit y’all in Scotland. We all touched Mars together at NASA. That’s a really big deal. I’m going to go cry now. 

We will miss y’all, Gavin & Neve!